i am so lonely..
Today...I feel quite down and never actually sleep at all last night thinking what just happened actually...because of three things that make my foot steps feels awfully heavy ...Number one is that it was partly my fault for not stating things clear...Number two is that why things must turn out so bad and number three is that why must it end up with violence and isn't there another way...because of that I unwilling albowed my Dad while he was trying to hit me...The last thing one's child that he/she will do is to hit their own parents no matter in what situation...what i had done was something quite unforgivable cause i actually hit my Dad even though he started he fight first...I don't want to know how low I looked today...Just want to know that just the pain I inflict on my Dad still hurts...Well about my mum, she is quite stubborn...guess that she won't be talking to me for the next one to two weeks...Always the same old thing...Everyday when at home, I am like the only person at home...Lonely sia...Though I kinda dislike noisy places...but I think I will prefer it to be noisy than be alone at home...Nothing to do ...No one to talk to...Unlike my previous school...though many people but had no one to talk to or should I say very little people to talk to but anyways better than nothing...And for those who still wanna know why I change my name...I change my name because I wanna forget whatever bad things that had happened...Now still trying very hard to forget...Something at night during my sleep it will just become a nightmare that will wake me up suddenly...A scar that is too big and deep that is hard to heal...A scar that will keep reminding me about the past i want to forget...People always say things that someone tries to forget usually tend not to work because they will find ways to forget but still thinking about the matter...get what I mean...and i guess is no joke...Things i want to forget...Keeps coming back to me...like some far-off memories that is inside my mind...Like one of my favourite game says: "Memories are forgotten but not lost or destroyed."...It just won't go away...One of the incident was that I time to time remember was that people pouring glucose powder on my bed and making fun of me...this things just keep running through my mind and ringing at my ears...All these sad memories are not needed in my life... I don't want any of them...all i want are happy memories which i am lacking of...Happy memories that will cover over the sad memories...that will give me a good night sleep and not been woken up by some nightmare of the past...For now I guess I just have to bear with it...Until the day when something that can cover over these memories comes...